The second emergence of a rare disease

Today a friend of mine, who I consider sort of a long-lost sister as our families have been intertwined for generations, told me that her mother has been diagnosed with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. It is the same lung disease that my father died from. It is considered pretty rare, but this is the second person close to me who has contracted it. The doctors think it was from years of untreated acid reflux, with fluids getting into her lungs and causing the scaring. She had a tendency to ignore health issues, and that makes sense. She's been put on oxygen already. IPF is extremely unpredictable so it is nearly impossible to make a prognosis, but I know that when a patient is put on oxygen, they are nearing the end. 

My friend had called me because she is looking for guidance and answers. Since my father passed away from the same disease, she wanted to see if I had any advice. All I could give her is the same information I came up with after a pretty extensive search: there is no answer, really. They is no way to predict. All I can say is that this is going to be a really, really difficult road ahead. Call me anytime. I mean it. 

My heart hurts for both of them but especially for my friend, having to go through this when she has been under a huge strain taking care of her mother mentally and emotionally for so long. Her mother won't tell my mother of course, even though they are best friends. My friend is going to try to convince her mother to tell my mother. We are giving her one week. If she doesn't do it in a week, I am going to have to go over her head and tell my mother. That will make her mad, but it is better than having my mother find out about it months later, or even after she dies, and having missed opportunities to help support her. Why are people so cagey? 

We laughed a little bit at the extent of our mom maintenance. It has been like this since we've been adults. It's what you do if you want to keep a relationship, but you know that relationship can be toxic. You commit yourself to a sort of dance, where you are constantly trying to get as close as you can without getting burned, and without participating in the toxicity yourself. Constantly evaluating and re-evaluating your boundaries. Funny, that we have always had this parallel story, even though we rarely see each other. I just hope I don't leave Amelia with this nonsense as part of her legacy.